23.976
Thank you.
Taste this!
A wagon of watermeIons for a kiss!
Sophia Lauren!
And now, Snow White chooses her Prince!
Misha!
Drink up, guys! They're on me!
Tania! Tania Simakova is back!
Tania, here I come!
Where have you been? How Iong are you staying?
-Forever! -What, are you nuts?
In this rathoIe? Tania!
-Where's the gang? -Right! This caIIs for a drink!
Hi, Misha.
It 's me, Tania.
Our Beauty Queen. Give us a kiss.
Go get, Misha! GirIs are for the chasing.
A kiss and what eIse? Coffee in bed?
Keep the coffee. I'II settIe for bed.
It 's our dance!
Make way for your Scout Leader!
She'II be comIng round the mountaIn...
-You're very quiet. -What shouId I say?
-That you're happy to see me. -I am.
CarefuI! He'II faint again!
And you're asking me to dance.
-Okay, I'm asking. -I accept.
-Don't you want to kiss me? -Drop it.
Do you stiII Iove me?
-None of your business. -Maybe it is.
Maybe I Iove you and I've come back to marry you.
Are you drunk?
You know the Iaws of probabiIity?
Sveta, give me a coin.
-What 's it for? -Heads I marry Misha.
-TaiIs I go back to Moscow. -She's out of her mind!
Okay, Misha? Heads you marry me?
You'II ditch him again when you're sober!
Agreed, Krapivin?
Where is it, can you see?
Get off me, stupid!
Let me see.
Heads!
So, MikhaiI Krapivin, wiII you marry me?
Yes.
''THE WEDDING''
Krotov!
I'm getting married!
Stop yeIIing. Our wages have arrived.
Down tooIs, guys! Our wages are here!
-How much are we getting? -Ask my dick!
Listen, guys.
Don't forget! The PaIace of CuIture, 7:OO sharp!
Don't worry, we'II be there.
Don't get drunk before!
Antonina, you've reaIIy hit the jackpot.
A daughter-in-Iaw from nowhere. No famiIy, no cIass...
-A chain-smoking hooker... -Don't, Grandpa.
-It 's bad enough aIready. -Your sins are being punished.
She's so busy! Can't even find time to pay her respects to us!
''Sorry, Grandpa. I'm off to Moscow to have my dress made.''
Our Misha's a goner. She'II have him for breakfast!
-Your sins are too great. -What sins?
I sIaved aII my Iife down the coaI mine!
What we ate wasn't Snickers!
-You had Iost God. -God doesn't exist!
You pray your brains out, for what?
Does God give you a man? Not one! Not even a shrimp!
You'II die an oId maid, angeI.
The jeIIied beef wiII never set.
Poor IittIe Misha! She's been around. How wiII he cope with her?
Around? I'II say! Give her an inch, she'II take a miIe.
You've watched TV. Ads, sex and smut.
Now it 's here, in reaI Iife. She'II eat him, bones and aII!
Hey, you Krapivins!
Shake a Ieg! The wages are here!
Come and get them!
First course: smoked tongue at 57 roubIes a pIate.
For how many? Say 1OO.
That makes... 5,7OO roubIes.
Tongue won't Iast ten seconds!
Give us herring saIad. Let 's stay Russian.
Herring saIad? For a wedding?
That 's no way to impress peopIe!
You need deIicacies! Understand?
-I can't afford more than 3O. -5O!
PeopIe wiII bring presents. 5O!
Now, what 's the main course?
-Natasha? Main course? -Beef Stroganoff.
-With buckwheat porridge. -You said meatbaIIs.
MeatbaIIs?
You eat this garbage every day!
Stop stuffing your face!
You get a government pension. A speciaI one for ModeI Workers!
Like heII! I haven't seen a kopeck for six months.
Don't worry.
Look at this.
I was saving it for myseIf. You can have it cheap.
Take a sniff!
-Fresh as a daisy! -You want to ruin me or what?
The money's come! They're paying at the mine!
Keep the tongue! Maybe I can afford it!
OUR HEROIC WORKERS
DICKHEAD
Get back! Get back!
-Hands off! -Stand back! Don't push!
Go home! You embarrass me. I'II get the money.
-No way! I'm getting it. -You'II get something eIse!
Go on, hit me!
Have a IittIe fun!
Here, in front of everyone!
Give us our wages!
There's enough for everyone!
Don't push!
Where you think you're going?
Wages come first, then pensions. Don't push!
This is Krapivin, our ModeI Worker.
He's a IocaI hero.
Isn't your son marrying Tania Simakova today?
He's the one! A good, hard-working boy...
who's picked himseIf a peach!
Krapivin, invite the Chief here to the wedding.
-He might accept. -By aII means.
We'd be honored.
-You'd be weIcome! -Get going.
-The worId's gone crazy. -Seen Misha anywhere?
-No. -Don't you worry!
CoaIface workers get paid first.
Your Misha's a Iucky boy.
Seven months without pay and the day he's married, bingo!
It arrives! Right, Garkusha?
-He's a Iucky boy, your son! -Lucky fooI, you mean.
You're mine, aII mine!
It 's here, boys! The dough is here!
Make way!
Go on! Run them over!
Get off!
Don't give Garkusha a roubIe! Cashier Iady!
-Don't give my husband anything! -Move your crazy ass!
-Hi, oId-timer. -Hi, boys.
Give me the money.
It 's not aII here.
I'm waiting.
Give me aII of it. Every kopeck.
Leave me some for a present!
He wants to buy a present? Terrific!
Here, read this.
1OO portions of smoked tongue, 5O pIates of coId cuts...
Me, I wanted meatbaIIs!
What do I get? Beef Stroganoff at 17 roubIes a pIate!
The money's not for me. It 'II aII be eaten tonight!
Digested, every Iast kopeck!
I have to buy a present! You were young once too, Dad.
Your mother's savings account is empty, cIeaned out!
Mine has onIy 5O roubIes Ieft.
That 's how broke we are!
Leave me some for fIowers, at Ieast.
FIowers? What fIowers, son?
Don't make me Iaugh! Our guests aren't cows to eat fIowers!
Who pays the priest?
Who coughs up for the waiters?
Nobody heIps for free anymore. Those days are gone.
Where are you going?
To take a Ieak. Don't worry. That 's stiII free!
Your dad coIIectivized your pay?
-He sure did. -Chip in, guys!
Forget it...
The bride Ioves her groom, but the wife Ioves money!
Thanks, guys.
-See you at 7 o'cIock! -We'II be there.
Garkusha!
Come here.
Did you get paid?
Shit, no. I got nothing, Zoya grabbed it aII. And you?
Same story. Daddy swiped it.
Take this. Hide it, or he'II grab it off me.
No probIem. Garkusha gets the picture.
Watch out! It 's for my bridaI gift. It 's sacred.
A wiId beast wouId understand that. You think I'm worse?
I remember that! The schooI New Year's party.
She pIayed Snow White.
I'II teII you about Snow White!
At 17, she went to Moscow to be a modeI.
-''ModeI'', speIt S-L-U-T. -Hush, Daddy!
-Get off my back, Antonina. -Taste this, Efim.
Try one. I baked this myseIf.
-Why aren't you pIaying? -Thank you.
Give us a march!
Leopardskin! What next?
-Pass it through the window. -Take care, son!
Your mother and I never had a bed Iike that.
Buzz off, Grandpa, or I'II go berserk!
Look out! Don't tear the fabric!
It 's fragiIe! Be carefuI! 3,OOO, it cost!
-How much? -Grandpa, I'II strangIe you!
Knock, Knock. Can you caII Garkusha?
-He's out. -Where is he?
Some stupid prick or other...
gave him money. He won't be home tiII he's drunk it aII.
-How come? -What do you think?
He was seen at the store, inviting aII the bums to drink with him!
-Maybe it 's his dough? -His dough is here...
in my own private safe! I confiscated every Iast kopeck.
His dough? No chance!
Bridegroom! I've come to make the bed.
-Can't I stay? -This is no job for a man. Go away.
-I just wanted... -No! Go away.
-It 's a deaI? -No, it 's not enough.
Wait. Wait, damn it! You can eat and drink aII you Iike!
Go home on aII fours, if you want!
Dad?
What day of the week did you and Ma get married?
Not now, son.
Give me a minute. Where were we?
Whoever heard of a wedding without music?
Efim, Iet 's Ieave.
-5O roubIes. -For that price...
get a radio! Dance to the news!
-6O. Shake! -I'd rather go to town...
pIay accordion in the street. I'd make 1,OOO, easy!
Quiet, Dad. What 's your price?
-75. -1OO!
-You're on! -DeaI? 1OO for you, too!
I'II be your toastmaster free of charge.
I taught you as a boy.
I remember the schooI New Year's party, when you fainted...
when Tania chose you as her prince.
He remembers!
Give him a miIIion!
Shut up, Dad! It 's my wedding, for God's sake!
Come back, son!
Here's your menu.
Son!
It 's your money! You spend it!
-Misha. -What?
-Buy Tania fIowers. -Forget it.
Go on.
Thanks, VaIia.
-This is aII I have. -I can't.
I'd Iose out.
Wait.
-Take this. -What is it? I have a RoIex!
Sorry.
Bridegroom! Come here.
-Is your fiancee pretty? -Yes, very.
-Got a picture? -Yes.
-Show me. -Just a sec.
How much are those fIowers?
Wait just a second, sweetheart.
That 's her.
Wow! Sweet babe!
Rafik, bro!
Look.
-Sophia Loren, right? -Take these...
as Tewfik's gift of respect for Russian babes.
Stop!
-Misha Krapivin? -Yes.
-You're the fiance? -Is it a crime?
Keep your shirt on!
-I just want to congratuIate you. -Thanks.
-CongratuIations. -Thanks.
-Sorry, I'm a bit rushed. -Off you go.
Stop. No entry.
-My fiancee's up there. -She doesn't want to be disturbed.
-I want to give her these. -Forget it.
Come off it, guys!
-TeII him to keep them. -Are you crazy?
I don't want them.
Tania teIIs you to keep them.
I never take my presents back.
She's gratefuI to you, obviousIy, but she wants no more presents from you.
She may change her mind.
You know what she's Iike. She's nuts!
TeII her she makes me feeI oId for the first time.
It reaIIy hurts.
Judging by the fIowers, he's the Iucky bridegroom.
A fine specimen!
What do I do with these?
Keep them yourseIf.
-Mr. Borodin, may I detain you? -Detain criminaIs, not me!
Thank you so much for the computers.
We're the best-equipped poIice force in the area!
We're on the Internet. We can even contact InterpoI!
Keep it up, you'II get a medaI.
Take a good Iook. You won't see them again.
Some men stiII give reaI presents.
-You came to see Tania? -No.
Then who?
You, Sveta.
Happy birthday.
-Where did he find time? -I'II drown him!
I'm sick of seeing that aIcohoIic face.
-I have it aII pIanned, Misha. -No, Zoya!
The autopsy wiII say he drowned, drunk.
Garkusha!
Can you hear me?
What have you done?
Misha!
Forgive me! I'm a dirty rat! I drank the Iot!
My souI was aching for it!
It 's Zoya's fauIt, the sIut!
Not Ietting me drink! Think of it! Me!
Forbidding me my vodka!
Forbidding Garkusha is forbidden! Stupid cow!
Not my face!
Easy, Misha.
We'II find a soIution, no probIem.
We'II give her a bridaI gift Iike you've never seen!
It 'II make her forget Moscow and everything eIse!
Garkusha!
-I want earrings. -Earrings?
She'II have earrings! Zoya! My business suit!
Zoya!
On your mark...
Get set...
These aren't knives, they're works of art.
They seII Iike hot cakes. 1OO roubIes each!
Add it up. Let 's go!
Zoya! You'II be there at 7, right?
Where can I go Iike this? A freak show?
Come. It 's my wedding. See you there.
A gift. They're American. Hot stuff!
You're better than Bruce Lee, man!
Choose my best meIon.
Happy?
Enjoy it!
''Once more unto the breach...'' Here goes.
-We do business with Mohammedans? -Who eIse?
Listen, chief.
I have a red hot deaI.
Get Iost. I aIready Iost three! You think I'm Santa CIaus?
-Me, I got one too. -No deaI?
Okay, no big deaI. It 's a free country.
No sweat, Misha. That 's capitaIism. Dog eat dog!
Hi, chief. Is that your son?
What 's it to you?
Give the kid a present.
Buy it for me, Dad!
Give me that. Beat it.
-He's a reaI man aIready. -Give him the bottIe.
Just a minute! We need cash.
-You have no cash? -Give it back!
Wait!
Cash wouId have been good, but this isn't bad.
-Go on, get Iost! -AIIah Akbar!
A Ia what bar? And the gift?
Hurry up! Your fiancee's waiting!
Pass it! Here!
Go, go.
-It 's yours. -Here, here.
Go, go.
Pass, pass.
PIay it high.
I'II drive it with my head!
Great.
Listen.
We have to face the facts.
Vodka is not an acceptabIe bridaI gift.
-No way. -That being the case, what do we do?
-Drink it. -You said it, not me!
-Three roubIes 2O. -How much short are you?
CaII it 3. Put the rest on my tab.
-You broke your piggy bank? -No, we begged it.
-No, no! -That one.
Hands off! I don't even know you.
CongratuIations, Misha.
Getting married is a big decision. The foundation of society.
Here's wishing you Iuck. Cheers.
Without a gift, I can't.
-It 's pitifuI. -Misha...
There's a bunch of rough guys near here.
They owe me money.
-I'm going to get it. -Where are you going?
You stay here.
They can't stand strangers.
Hi there, WeaseI!
So you're getting married?
-To the Simakova girI? -No, to you!
Stepan saw her in a Hong Kong bar.
-He's fuII of shit. -Yeah, he never got past Beijing!
-Not when I'm driving. -Go on. it 's my wedding!
WeaseI?
-Can you heIp me out? -They stopped paying us.
I swiped some cement, but I can seII it.
Try Yuri. He's buiIding his own house.
-RoII'em, WeaseI! -So Iong!
There's one thing I don't get.
What 's the point of getting married?
You're married.
Yeah, so what?
-Do you have to spit on me? -Sorry.
At home, I'm the king.
I'm Mr. Sunshine and Mr. Springtime aII roIIed into one.
What 's so funny? Who are you, anyway?
Who do you think you are?
-What did Tania do in Moscow? -Lay off.
-Moscow isn't cheap. -Shut up!
She didn't work in a factory! Or a dairy!
-Shut the heII up! -CooI it.
ReIax.
AII I'm saying is, I feeI for you.
Down by the mine...
Down by the mIne Once upon a tIme
There was a boy who Iooked so fIne
They took hIs hand and made hIm sIgn
And sent hIm down the coaImIne
He soId hIs souI to RussIan CoaI
Now the fIne boy's a mIne boy forever!
I stiII have nothing to give her.
I'II be your present.
Take me and give me, just as I am. No wrapping, no ribbon.
Let 's get going.
The gIrIs stIII Iove hIm however!
There were 1OO! I counted three times.
...91, 92, 93!
-There were 1OO! -You ate seven meatbaIIs!
Dad...
I know you're a Stakhanovite, a ModeI Worker.
They aIways toId me, ''Make him proud!''
-CaIm down, Misha. -But I'II teII you this:
you know nothing about Iove. Love isn't measured in meatbaIIs.
Twerp!
If you can't drink, don't!
He's entitIed to! He's getting married!
You've never understood the depths of my souI and you never wiII!
The Communists aboIished the souI!
-MeatbaII? -No.
Don't torture me with your fish.
In any case, I'm broke.
It 's a gift! A gift!
For the wedding! We're not animaIs!
This must be it...
TeII me boys, what number is this?
Misha...
You're asIeep.
Dead to the worId.
Excuse me...
Do you Iike the songs of JuIio IgIesias?
-Who? -Madam...
Knives going cheap!
-Add a shine to your tabIe. -Don't touch me!
I'm a stranger here. And I haven't any money!
PersonaIIy, I prefer LoIita Torres.
GentIy. Don't rip my ear off. I'II do it myseIf
-Can I go now? -Sure.
Where'd you get them?
Thanks.
It 's coId!
Look at the state of you!
My darIing, drunk fiance...
How wiII I cope with you?
Like this.
Keep it together.
I'm not going to church.
It 's the Iatest craze. AII the bigshots go to church.
They'II be jaiIing non-beIievers next!
I wouIdn't put it past them.
Listen, son. Skip church. Go straight to the town haII.
-Okay, Grandpa. -Coming, coming!
See? We're Iate.
Come here, dear.
Take these wedding rings. This one is your father's.
No, not that finger. Like this.
And take mine.
It may not fit her. She has such sIender fingers.
It wiII, Ma.
Thanks.
Ma?
What 's the matter?
Don't cry.
It 's my wedding day. Why are you crying?
Me and Grandpa are getting married too!
-In church! -Behave, you two!
Misha, it 's time.
PraIse God! PraIse the Lord!
Tania...
These are for you.
A present.
What are you doing?
It brings good Iuck.
HoId it.
TeII me, Tania. What if the coin had come up taiIs?
WouId none of this be happening?
It did come up taiIs.
What do you mean?
What I'm saying. I tricked you.
I cast my eviI speII on you. Like in schooI.
You're not invited. Nobody sent for you!
Who the heII are you?
Comrade Lujina, come in!
Make way for our cashier.
And Comrade PIetniov, the mine manager!
WeIcome, Sir. There's a pIace reserved for you.
Misha!
I soId the cement. Here's the money.
Keep it, WeaseI. I don't need it anymore.
Come on in.
Bridegroom! They won't Iet me in!
-Let him in, Dad. He's with me. -You see!
Go in, host the party. We'II hoId them off.
-Even if it kiIIs us! -Thanks, boys.
CongratuIations! From the bottom of my heart!
Look what a treat we have for you!
-Where do I put it? -Later.
''These wedding rings two destinies combine
Let your hearts forever their strengths combine!''
Leave it to me.
Son!
There's a crate of vodka under the bed. Get it!
What, now?
We're short of food! Too many peopIe!
We'II stun them with vodka. Run!
Life may not be better in Ukraine, but at Ieast it 's Iess chaotic.
Get to the point, IittIe Iady.
Like I said, I came in the door...
The punks were sitting on the stairs.
The baId one, the ringIeader, was singing ''Besame Mucho''.
He drew a knife! ''Your earrings!''
-Get to it. -This town is chaos!
The punk wasn't aII bad. Quite poIite.
-Good-Iooking... -Keep it short.
I'm from Kharkov, myseIf. I've come a Iong way...
for my niece Simakova's wedding. Do you know her?
Do I? The beauty queen! She's our IocaI star.
-That 's him! -HeIIo.
-That 's the swine! Catch him! -Let him go!
-It 's him! The mugger! -Steady...
-My earrings! -CaIm down!
-Hi, Misha. -Hi.
Let 's fiII our gIasses...
with this heavenIy nectar...
and raise a toast to the newIyweds!
With the compIiments...
of the restaurant 's management...
and from me, personaIIy.
Be happy, IittIe Tania and IittIe Misha!
Garkusha!
I sent him to get vodka. See what he's up to.
Zoya, my hat!
Get a move on!
The punk is your niece's fiance.
He's what?
In fact by now, he's her husband. Aren't you, Misha?
-Yes. -Come aIong, husband.
Husband? I'm putting my niece's husband in jaiI?
-I made a mistake! -Keep your hands off.
It 's nearIy him, but not exactIy!
The other one was baId. He sang ''Besame Mucho''!
-Hands off. -BaId, I teII you!
Kra-pi-vin...
Mik-ha-iI...
So...
...who was with you? -I forget. I was drunk.
You're not heIping, Krapivin.
Not heIping at aII.
Let 's have you.
Leave that. Save your thirst for Iater.
Improvise! It 's what you're paid for!
I can't.
The first toats is aIways to the bride and groom.
Efim...
heIp us.
Dear friends! I invite you to Iisten to a virtuoso piece...
''The FIight of the BumbIebee''...
performed by a maestro of the accordion...
Afanassi SvetIanov!
AppIause!
Face the waII.
Picture the scene: the bride aIone and weeping...
the guests hungry, the husband in jaiI!
Quite an achievement.
Sir, pIease, Iet me out.
-I'II come back tomorrow, I swear! -You want to get Iaid? Forget it!
You'II spend your wedding night here...
and every other night untiI the triaI.
Mr. Borzov, Iet me out. Be human!
I pity your dad.
AII his savings went into your wedding.
Admit it was you that mugged the aunt.
-Sign, and I'II Iet you go. -I'II sign!
-Where do I sign? -There.
Is that it?
You didn't even read it. You shouId read what you sign.
Can I go now?
Mr. Borzov...
Can't I go now?
Go and have fun, Krapivin!
UntiI 11 p.m.
Then back inside!
I'II deaI with you tomorrow morning.
Maybe this isn't your first offense.
Can I ask you to the wedding?
You bet.
I'm not Ieaving you.
There's a IittIe vodka missing. Don't be angry.
My boys had to toast your wedding.
-Are you rushed? -They're waiting.
Run aIong, then.
Where were you?
Let the waItz begin!
The first waItz of Iove and beauty!
Maestro, music!
-Are you done? -Yes, sure.
A surprise from the night shift!
3, 4, 5...
6, 7, 8, 9...
-1O, 11, 12... -How beautifuI!
-Have you seen my husband? -Garkusha? No, I haven't.
-Borzov, have you seen Garkusha? -Who?
-My husband! -Get Iost. I've seen nobody.
...19, 2O!
Borodin's here! Mr. Borodin!
We gave up hoping you'd come!
Take a seat.
Thanks for the church! So beautifuIIy restored, it warms the souI!
Is it true the mine's for saIe?
-An EngIish buyer's interested? -We don't need the EngIish.
We stiII need beIIs.
You'II get your beIIs, Father NikoIai.
Mr. Borodin, sit here with us.
-Do you dance? -Of course he does.
-I work at the disco. -Our IocaI youth and beauty.
-See you. -Buzz off.
-A IittIe vodka? -Just a drop.
Let us congratuIate the newIyweds.
The fine young man and maiden, united in Iove untiI their dying day!
Matrimony wiII teach you to dance!
That 's Borodin, an ex-Young Communist Ieader.
He was Tania's patron. Took her to Moscow.
He'II patron you next.
You know his father-in-Iaw owns Russian CoaI?
So that 's why they're Iicking his ass!
-What do we drink to? -Our Iife!
To heII with the Iot of them.
Right.
-I have something to teII you. -Later.
-Here they are, VassiIi. -Thanks, Sveta.
-ShouId I go? -Yes, go.
HaIfway back to Moscow, I was going crazy.
I had to turn back. Don't send me away.
Tania, I'm going for a smoke.
Stay and meet each other. This is my husband, Misha.
This is Mr. Borodin, a Stakhanovite of capitaIism.
MikhaiI Krapivin.
No, I'II go for a smoke.
Sveta? Show me where we can smoke.
Eat, drink, but stay out of sight.
Don't come in untiI I caII you.
Mr. Borodin...
may I have a word?
I have an unusuaI case to submit to you.
An amusing case.
-The bride's aunt got mugged. -So what?
-The bridegroom did it. -Why teII me?
If you're interested, we couId throw the book at him.
Armed robbery, 5 to 8 years in jaiI.
Why do you aIways make such a fuss?
Have you got a probIem?
You know very weII.
I want to go to Moscow.
You sound Iike the Three Sisters. ''Ah, Moscow!''
This pIace is kiIIing me.
-It 's driving me to drink. -Dream on, cop.
-It won't hurt you. -So, what 's your answer?
None.
You know the game show, ''Name That Tune''?
''Fuck off''. Get it?
Now for our musicaI gift to the newIyweds!
HeIIo, everybody!
Tania, darIing!
-God, you're so beautifuI! -Auntie Rima!
If onIy your poor mother couId see this!
-Why are you crying? -It 's the done thing!
-Don't cry. -If you onIy knew!
Dear God, how we used to cry!
And your poor mother, gone before...
These piroshkis are deIicious! How d'you do?
Thanks. You're doing a great job...
...but the kids want to have fun! -Efim, I toId you!
Pretty earrings! Where are they from?
My husband gave them to me.
What a tastefuI IittIe husband! Now I understand.
Stick with him, you'II never go without.
What do you mean?
Young peopIe today aII dream of being gangsters.
Like joining the Party, before.
Not Misha. He wouIdn't hurt a fIy.
Suit yourseIf, honey. It 's your Iife.
Stay!
Forthe sake of our future happIness,I beg you
Stay!
ThIs word wIII be forever on my IIps
Stay!
Tania, speciaIIy for you...
A musicaI surprise of cosmic strength!
GaIina Ivanovna!
When the Iast star fades from the sky
You wIII say No but I'II keep sayIng Yes
IwIII never Iet anyone eIse take charge of your destIny
You wIII understand How much I Iove you
Stay!
Forthe sake of our future happIness,I beg you
Stay!
The word wIII be forever on my IIps
-You'II Iive in your own home? -No, yours.
Mine?
Here's to you!
Say, Misha...
What 's Borodin up to with Tania?
-You teII me. -What a jerk! This isn't Moscow.
-Let 's smash him up. -I'II do it.
Guys, guys! Let him be!
Okay. It 's your business.
You understand, Tania? ''So we'II have nothing to regret.''
Stay!
So we'II have nothIng to regret
Stay!
Thanks, GaIina. You're a genious.
So?
Did you Iike it?
No, you didn't.
Got your revenge? Happy now?
Yes, very.
Look at your new Iife.
Drunken sIobs...
kissing and chanting one moment...
and punching each other the next.
You can't take it anymore. You've changed!
Wrong, Mr. Borodin.
This is my home.
Not everyone here is a sIob.
Father, give us a song.
If my wife Iets me.
ShouId you reaIIy?
It wouId be a sin not to sing in a day Iike today.
Now we're sisters!
Young man, may I borrow your instrument?
-But Father! -Life's fuII of surprises, my son.
I'm roIIIng drunk
I can't waIk straIght
I'II never make it home
ThIs shady path Ieads me gentIy
To the cherry orchard
I'II never make it home
ThIs shady path Ieads me gentIy
To the cherry orchard
That's not the cuckoo sIngIng
That's onIy my heart beatIng!
Efim, you've known me thirty years.
TeII me, frankIy. Am I reaIIy that bad?
Be quiet.
You're amazingIy taIented.
There he is!
Arrest him!
I toId you, the case is cIosed.
What have you done, you jerk?
Framing Misha on a charge of armed robbery!
What? Misha?
To cIear you, he signed a fuII confession.
Never sign! Never sign anything!
You put him in jaiI, you rat!
-Chief! -Not now, Garkusha. I'm cIosed.
Office hours are Monday, 9 to 11.
Shit!
Is it my fauIt,Is it my fauIt
Is it my fauIt that I Iove hIm?
Is it my fauIt that my voIce shook
When I sang hIm thIs song?
Am I to bIame
When I sang hIm thIs song?
Am I to bIame?
Love Is to bIame
If you want to apoIogIze
HoId it!
Stop right there!
What have you been up to, you Iousy Iush?
Give me a break. Work me over Iater, okay?
Look at me.
-Let 's dance. Come on! -Not now.
One dance, pIease!
Look, even VaIia's dancing.
Aren't I woman enough for you?
Zoya, Iater!
Later we'II dance and sing and pIay goIden harps!
I'm the widow of a Iiving husband!
Have you seen a skinny redhead anywhere?
Not my thing.
Did you try the tongue?
Isn't it fresh?
Some tongue?
Care to dance?
Go dance with the woIves in Siberia!
Why the sudden preference for Siberia?
Get Iost, mugger!
-Let 's find some privacy. -Privacy? Stop or I'II scream!
You're such a desirabIe woman!
A man couId stiII faII in Iove with you.
What did I do?
I kept my promise.
You became a top modeI, Iike you wanted.
I bought you a fIat, we saw the worId...
You aIways knew I was married.
What did I do wrong? Why did you Ieave?
Maybe I wanted to be Ioved.
Listen to me. Listen carefuIIy.
I've never said this to anyone.
I Iove you. You hear? I Iove you.
In ThaiIand once, you toId me ''I can't share you.''
WeII I can't share you, either.
I'm not a cake. You can't divide me into portions.
I meant it, about getting a divorce.
You Iied!
No! I even spoke to my father-in-Iaw!
He said, ''As a man, I sympathize.
Live discreetIy, but forget about remarrying or having other chiIdren.
AII that we've amassed wiII go to your son, my grandson...''
-I can't take this. -''...and nobody eIse.''
-No. -You don't know them.
They'd bury us in concrete.
-You, me and you-know-who. -Shut up!
CaIm down.
-Get Iost! -Come to Moscow.
Your fIat is waiting, new ItaIian furniture...
Touching your hand, I got an eIectric shock.
-You're mine! Nobody eIse's! -Drop dead!
What wiII you do with that cIown?
Shit!
How much do I owe you for the earrings?
Forget it. They're stiII in the famiIy.
But who'II compensate me for the mentaI distress?
MentaI distress?
I'II compensate you.
-What are you doing? -Compensating you.
Imagine the sun, the sand...
Stop it, mugger!
Hush!
First you rob me, now you screw me?
You'II drop your charge?
I'II drop it!
-You'II drop it? -I drop it! I drop it!
I drop it!
Care for a drink?
Good idea.
Now, how about a kiss?
Come over here.
I'm Iike a magnet, you know. I attract things.
You do?
Yesterday, I came home with a fork in my bra.
Coins and keys, I've Iost count.
I'm a waIking hardware store.
-You want to go to Moscow? -No, Paris.
Ladies choice! Take your partners.
I know my power.
I have psychic gifts.
I give off boundIess energy. WouId you Iike me to heaI you?
-Of what? -Your Iove.
One of my friends had a backache.
His jacket had a metaI zipper, so he stuck to me Iike gIue.
We dated for a whoIe week.
When they puIIed us apart, his backache came back.
His wife's so dumb, she can't see it.
-I need a break. -You don't beIieve me?
Come here, I'II show you.
You don't beIieve me?
Do you now?
StiII don't?
I do, I do.
Limpdick!
Your wife's on the Iine.
I'm in a meeting.
Sure, I'II be home.
Soon, yes.
Switch it off.
Let 's run away!
Okay.
Chief, just a minute.
I don't understand. Why won't you Iet me confess?
-I'm feeIing toIerant. -Okay, but the probIem is...
Misha did nothing. I robbed the Iady.
-You wrote the note? -Of course!
Let 's have it, sweetie-pie.
-You stay out of this. -Out of what?
There's nothing to stay out of.
Read this, come on! Let 's sit down.
Look! The Iady's happy.
-Beat it, boy! -She's happy!
She's on cIoud nine!
''I'II drop aII charges.''
Don't ask me how I did it.
Honeybun!
-Home-made... -My angeI of the kitchen!
-...with cabbage. -What a woman!
Don't ask me how I taIked her over.
It 's my trade secret. Let 's just say...
I gave my body to the cause...
Iike a kamikaze.
-Was she good? -Dynamite! A tidaI wave!
I onIy just survived.
Have a meatbaII.
Listen...
maybe I couId try my Iuck with her.
What? You think she brought the piroshkis for me?
She has the hots for you, I swear. She toId me!
Pardon me. May I be excused?
Buzz off, Krapivin. Don't disturb us!
-Be back in two hours. -I won't be Iong.
Go for it, Chief. Get in there.
To the bride and groom!
Get this out of my sight.
Want me to fix him, Mr. Borodin?
Don't move.
Tania, just a second. Just a sec.
I'II catch up. What 's up?
Hands up! It 's Borzov's gun.
Hide it.
Swap it for your signed confession.
Are you raving mad?
Listen!
They're gonna cIobber you.
Go on, Tania! I'm coming!
They're gonna put you in jaiI, okay?
And the jerk wiII get Tania!
We're outnumbered by patrons and bigshots.
Are you Iistening?
Wake up! They're steaIing your woman!
-I see. -Good, now go.
I'm off for a drink to ceIebrate your wedding.
It 's a God-given duty!
HIs unIform fits hIs body so weII
It makes my heart jump In my breast
The gIitterIng braId on hIs IapeI
The medaI that shInes on hIs manIy chest
Oh, what a trIck for Fate to pIay
BrIngIng hIm Into my IIfe that day!
-Thank you! -What for?
ReIeasing the bridegroom.
Nobody's reIeased anybody.
Accordionist! You know that Spanish thing, Iike ''Carmen''?
-Yes. -PIay it.
-I know it too. -Sing it.
KIss me
KIss me harder
You sing okay. Go on.
-What? -Keep going!
For us, there's onIy one nIght Ieft
And the stars forthe poet
I first heard this song in BuIgaria on a nudist beach.
I was abIe to observe certain anatomicaI features.
It comes as a shock.
But then you get used to it.
I wouId never Iet a woman of your quaIity...
be exposed to such a beach.
Why not?
In the right company, I wouIdn't mind.
As we are, I can onIy guess the shape of your body.
But as an investigator...
-Yes? -As an investigator...
As an investigator, wouId you rather jaiI me... or impaIe me?
WouId you carry me to the ends of the earth?
There and back. And every station in between!
CouId I have a word?
I'II Ieave you to it.
What 's up? Can't bring yourseIf to Ieave?
To and fro, to and fro, Iike a shuttIe bus?
You're drunk aIready?
Yes, I aIIowed myseIf a snifter.
Does Russian CoaI have a Iaw against it?
Stop it. Come here.
About this business with the bridegroom.
Armed robbery, was it?
Yes. I was just working on the victim.
So when are you going to arrest him?
Hungry for it, are we?
So hungry we can hardIy wait!
-Hungry, hungry! -Cut it out.
Can't do it without Borzov, can we?
Without Borzov, it 's dangerous!
Fuck you! I don't need you.
''Besame Mucho''!
Just my IittIe joke. I'II see to it.
Mr. Borodin, it 's your father-in-Iaw.
Yes, I'm coming!
What a siIIy boy you are!
You reaIIy are.
Why didn't you do this five years ago?
I'd never have gone away.
I'd have stayed here with you.
-I have to teII you... -Don't! You're so beautifuI...
-What 's up with the couch? -I don't know!
It 's new.
Why did it coIIapse?
I want to teII you something.
Don't teII me anything.
You don't know what it is.
If it 's about your Borodin, I don't want to know.
It 's not about him.
It 's somebody eIse.
Who?
My son.
I have a son, Misha.
He's three.
His name is Mitia.
I see.
Funny about the couch. It 's new.
Misha, I feeI coId.
Make me some tea, pIease.
Tea.
It 's up to you, whether a woman Iike me is for you.
Where is he?
-Who? -Your son.
In an orphanage.
You know what?
They shave their heads there.
Why do they shave their heads?
-Where's the orphanage? -In Chikino.
If you hear my souI
sIngIng today
It's because you smIIed at me
that way...
Look what I got.
Steady, copper.
Keep it nice and quiet. See your jacket?
The men here are quite something!
I'd bareIy arrived when this guy mugged me for my earrings.
Then he came after me and offered to repay me...
but at the Iast minute, wham!
He screwed me!
Who is this hero? Point him out to me, pIease!
Maybe he'II pay me and screw me as weII!
That 's him, over there.
-Where? -The baId one, there.
Look at this.
I'II give back your gun in exchange for Misha's confession, torn up.
That 's him, the cheeky chap!
You know him?
You know if you Iose your gun, you're finished.
You dirty fucker! I divorce you!
You've wrecked my whoIe Iife!
Go screw who you want, oId goat!
-Damn. -What 's wrong?
We're stuck in the mud.
You know what?
I won't be a very good father.
In two hours I have to be in jaiI.
Misha...
why are you Iying?
I'm not. It 's the truth.
For God's sake, why are you Iying?
Don't be scared.
I haven't asked you to be a father. You don't have to Iie.
I'm not Iying!
Tania, wait! It 's true! I'm not Iying!
-Why yeII at me, then? -I'm not!
Don't ever Iie to me. I hate that!
-Stop! -I'm asking nothing of you.
-They gave me two hours! -I'm asking nothing!
I just wanted you to know that I have a son!
-Tania, come here! -Let go of me!
-Come here! -Let go!
-You're terrified, aren't you? -Keep stiII!
-You're hurting me. -Sit down!
Push the pedaI.
I am.
Do you bottIe your mushrooms hot or coId?
The trick is to cooI them first.
Listen, honey.
I'm not angry anymore. Let 's drink.
Look to your husband! They're arresting him!
What are you doing? He has a bad back!
Out of the way!
Hush! Hush!
What 's going on? This is a wedding!
Let him die. I'm sick of him!
PoIIy,put the kettIe on...
Where's the gun? TaIk!
Where have you hidden it?
Visits are onIy aIIowed in daytime, with the principaI's permission.
Why shouId I Iet you in without permission?
What 's in it for me?
Chew on that for a minute!
-Don't shout. -I'm not!
-Do you mind? -No.
I hate them aIready.
Are they enough?
-They're goId? -GoId.
I can't. I've got no change.
Listen, chum.
Take one for being woken up...
and one for going back to sIeep.
-I didn't wake up. -Right, nobody woke you.
-I'm aIready asIeep. I'm sIeeping. -SIeep. SIeep!
It 's not here.
I can't remember where!
I think it was here.
I'm scared. I don't want to go in.
-He's in there? -I forget. It was 6 months ago.
-I can't. I can't. -Come on. You can.
I'm scared.
It 's not him.
God, there are so many of them!
Is this the right room?
They've moved the beds. I can't remember.
That 's not him.
Neither is that.
I can't remember where he is!
I'II never find him.
Mitia!
Mama?
DarIing!
Is that Daddy?
Yes, I'm Daddy.
-VassiIi, don't! PIease! -Bug off.
Don't make a fooI of yourseIf!
Have they aII taken root? Don't they have homes to go to?
They're having fun, thank goodness!
TeII me another!
As Iong as Borodin stays, they'II aII stay.
He's going wiId whiIe he waits for Tania.
Where do you dig up such dirty gossip?
Put a Iid on it. The cake's waiting.
Come on, VassiIi. Let 's go.
-I want to dance! -They're Iaughing at you.
I Iove you.
We've just had a boy!
Everybody, meet Mitia Krapivin.
But...
who is...
the father?
Me!
Do you hear?
He's my son! I'm his father.
Quiet! Quiet!
Mitia, who am I?
Hear that? I'm his daddy! Krotov, I'm his daddy!
Let me hoId him! FeeI his weight.
-Make a fist, son. -In a minute.
-That 's a good miner's fist! -Don't puII his arm off!
Rock-a-bye baby, on the treetop...
It 's a boy.
And what a boy!
Don't just stand there.
At a time Iike this! PIay something!
-Like what? -A waItz!
You're a naturaI.
Come here, Mitia.
Take him, Dad.
Raise him as your own. Ma...
You aII be good to Tania.
I have to go to jaiI.
-Who says? -Did you give him the gun? Answer!
-Don't Iisten to this pig. -Have you got it? Look at me!
-I drop my charge! -Bug off!
Nobody mugged me, I swear! I've forgiven them!
Comrade Borzov!
-Take him away! -But you're our guest!
-Bug off! -It 's our wedding day!
Take him away!
Bug off, I said!
You toasted the bride and groom! How can you do that?
-Let him go, I beg of you! -Fuck off!
-Don't do this! -Scram or I'II kiII you!
-Beat it! -Dad!
-Bastards! -Keep cooI!
Times have changed. We're free now! Where's the arrest warrant?
Get out of here! You'II wreck the pIace!
This way.
You won't get my husband, pig!
Dirty sIut!
-Let her go! -OId buffoon!
Let him go, dick! That 's an order!
You want to go to Moscow? I'II take you!
Stick Moscow up your ass!
I'm ordering you!
Give me a bite.
DeIicious!
Raindrops! Can I pIay with that?
Thanks. Nice toy! You're a reaI IittIe tough guy.
Bye for now.
I don't want to go!
Get him out of here!
Fuck you nouveau-riche pricks!
-CapitaIist scum! -I'II heaI you in Moscow!
You wanted your whore?
Up yours!
AsshoIe!
Take him away. Now!
-Forgive me, Misha. -You'II wait for me?
Of course I wiII. I promise!
Where's Mitia?
-Fucking pigs! -Chief!
-Looking for this? -Don't pIay...
Get up.
SIowIy.
You want to Iive?
Yes.
I don't, much.
Start waIking.
SIowIy!
TeII them. TeII your pigs what to do.
Let him go.
Garkusha! Don't do this.
Run, or they'II never Iet you go!
-What about Tania? -Take her with you.
Misha, quick!
Dad, Ma... I'm going.
Go on, get away!
Take me in, Chief.
Take me as I am. No wrapping, no ribbon.
-Get Iost. -What?
Is there some vodka Ieft? Vodka!
Zoya! Vodka!
Drink up, drink up...
End of story.
Borzov's finished.
SmiIe, sweethearts! Be happy!
I'm staying with you!
PIay!
I've a rooster,but no chIck
Now they caII me Cocky DIck
-Sing, sing! -I can't remember!
-I can! -Sing, then!
RoII out the bIanket Let's get merry!
LIke the tIme You popped my cherry!
How about this one?
You gave me such a IittIe rIng!
StIck it on your dIng-a-IIng!
Good guy, Chief.
Knees up, everybody!
Sweethearts!
I'm staying! I'm staying!
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